Lately, I hear a lot of conversations that center on “they” or “them,” usually with someone pointing across the table or into thin air. I catch myself doing it too. And when I do, it pulls me back to a truth I try to hold onto: I’m not perfect. I’m always learning, eager to grow, and curious to understand.

We live in a world that loves taking sides. Buyer vs. seller. Left vs. right. Us vs. them. But when you strip away the noise, most of us – let’s say 90% – are after the same core things: security, connection, freedom, belonging.

Here’s the catch: while the values often match, the way we get there can look wildly different. Take real estate as a simple example. A seller wants to sell and a buyer wants to buy. Same end goal: the house changes hands. But the why behind each side? That’s where things diverge.

For a seller, the sale might represent financial freedom, or the doorway to a home that fits them better. For a buyer, it might hinge on an interest rate that lets them sleep at night without feeling house poor. Both want the transaction, but the fuel driving them to the table is not identical.

This same tension shows up everywhere in life. The solution isn’t to bulldoze the other side… it’s to ask, “Why?” And not in a surface-level way. We need true dialogue: conversations where listening isn’t just waiting to talk, but an actual openness of heart and mind.

I ask my clients a simple question when things get tense: Do you want the home, or do you want to be right? For sellers, it becomes: Do you want to move forward, or do you want to be right? Because “right” often keeps us stuck. 

The “why” opens the door.

My hope is that we start asking and listening more. Not just to move forward, but to move forward with awareness and maybe even with a little more grace. A goal worth holding onto is this: to live a vibrant and honest life, one rooted in understanding, and to let that honesty spill over into something bigger, spreading joy wherever we can.